is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
