oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
