I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
