i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
