You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Panties = found
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