i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
