I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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