There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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