dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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