she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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