Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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