Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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