Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
