where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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