I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
