So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You're a waste of cheezeits
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
