i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
