I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
