I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
