I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You ruined the universe
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
