And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
