I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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