Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
