I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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