Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
