i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
