Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
