What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
