Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
