i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
