I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Is Oprah even human
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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