I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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