I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Randomize
