His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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