I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
