Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
