At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
