just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
