cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
