My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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