Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
