umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
