I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
