I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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