true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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