Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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