I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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