You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My vagina is officially offended.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
