I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
