She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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