hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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