So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
