I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
