This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize