he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
