i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He? As in you personified your dick?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize