Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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