If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
