im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
