He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
