He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
