I look better un-naked...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
