Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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