i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
