It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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