My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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