I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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