i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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