The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
