I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
