That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
