I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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