i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
