I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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