normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
